Disagreeing is Disrespectful (Or so we’re told)
Where did we even get the idea that disagreeing is disrespectful?
Oh, I know - from people who quote passages like:
1 Peter 3 (win your husband without a word)
Ephesians 5:23 (the husband is the head of the wife)
1 Corinthians 14:34 (women are not allowed to speak but must be in submission)
Ephesians 5:33 (the wife must respect her husband)
[Click here to read my article about those Bible verses about wives]
But let’s not fail to acknowledge the whole counsel of God.
Because there are also these passages:
Matthew 18 (if your brother sins against you, show him his sin)
James 5: 20 (whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way, saves them)
1 John 2: 6 (whoever claims to live in Him must live as Jesus did) [Find out how Jesus lived: Get the FREE DOWNLOAD on “What Would Jesus (REALLY) Do?”]
1 Cor 5: 11 (do not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy or an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler)
Do those get excluded from Scripture because we are married? Are parts of our Bibles removed when we say “I do”?
Of course not!
Those Scriptures are for us as spouses, too. Your spouse doesn’t get a special pass on their conduct just because they’re married.
Nor do you as a spouse get a special pass on your responsibility as a Christian to tolerate sin just because you’re married.
What I mean is: Not only are we allowed to disagree, we are responsible for showing our brothers and sisters in Christ (our spouse) their sin as an opportunity for them to repent and live better.
In healthy relationships, spouses have the freedom to disagree without being condemned, belittled, or rejected. But in unhealthy relationships, disagreeing is perceived as a threat to the marriage.
Emotionally unhealthy spouses can’t handle the divisiveness of disagreement, viewing it as a lack of unity or a rejection of their leadership rather than as part of your uniqueness as a child of God - uniqueness that brings perspective to the marriage and opportunities to flourish.
Instead, when a spouse can’t handle disagreement, they make everyone subject to their perspective. This stunts the marriage and your growth as a child of God because you are being compelled to become more like who your spouse wants you to be instead of who God has designed you to be. [Read my article about abuse]
Giving someone freedom doesn’t mean giving up yours. Disagreeing should be seen as a celebration of your freedom in Christ to be who He is forming you to be and an opportunity to bring perspective and positive growth to a marriage.
If you are concerned that disagreeing with your spouse is disrespectful, read my article that answers questions like:
Am I dishonoring my spouse to be feeling this way and thinking these things about them?
Am I doing what 1 Corinthians 13 tells us not to do: keeping a list of wrongs?
Am I speaking badly about my spouse by speaking about his wrong behavior?
I don’t want to be a rebellious wife – what can I do to not be accused of that?
What about 1 Peter 4 (Sarah calling Abraham her master and obeying him) and other Scriptures that I cling to?
What about Ephesians 5: 33 (the wife must respect her husband and the husband must love his wife)?
Need to talk to someone about your relationship?
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