I live in a city where protests and riots have occurred in the name of justice. People marching around with signs that say “No Justice No Peace.”

JUSTICE.

Do we even grasp what that word means?

Justice is getting what our behavior deserves. The Bible says that “the wages of sin is death.” We all deserve death. It sounds extreme, but in light of the holiness of God and the perfection of heaven how can it be any other way? We all deserve death - not life. Justice is death.

Thankfully we don’t have to suffer our fate. When Jesus came he took what we deserved upon himself and died the death we deserved to die, even though he was the only sinless, innocent person that ever was or ever will be - the only person who didn’t deserve death died in our place so that we can have life. That’s God's GRACE - getting BETTER than what our deeds deserve.

And then there’s MERCY. Mercy is getting LESS than our deeds deserve. Remember: we deserve death. We receive mercy every day that we live and are given chances to recognize what we deserve and turn to God to save us from that.

Justice - getting what we deserve.

Mercy - getting LESS than what we deserve.

Grace - getting BETTER than what we deserve.

It’s important not to match justice with the wrong definition or we will never have a chance to receive grace. Justice is NOT being entitled to life as some would have us think. What we really want when we march for justice is mercy and grace. And that’s not something we find on our feet – it’s something we find on our knees.

We need justice to experience peace in our marriage relationships, too.

I don’t know about you, but my husband used to demand grace (at least he had the right word). He wanted me to overlook his destructive behavior. He’d say that to be godly is to give grace. And so I did. I overlooked it all in the name of love and godliness.

And the more grace I gave him, the more destructive his behavior was. Grace became a license for immorality, just like is warned about in Jude 1: 4.

But Romans 6: 15 says “Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means!” In fact in Romans 5: 20 we learn that it is only because of the law that we can receive grace. You see the law (justice) makes us aware of our sin. And when we become aware of our sin, we do not demand grace but, rather, understand that what we deserve is death and beg for grace in the humility of knowing that we don’t deserve it, are not entitled to it, and cannot demand it.

How does a person receive grace?

People receive grace by becoming aware of their need for it. And they become aware of their need for it through the law - through knowing what is OK and what isn’t. And not just through knowing it like “yeah yeah - I know that” - but through really knowing what it feels like to experience the law and the consequences of breaking it.

That’s where you come in. If what your spouse really wants is grace - and that’s really what you want to give them - they first have to feel the humility that comes from knowing what they deserve. If there is no awareness of what they deserve, then they will feel entitled to grace. And no one is entitled to grace.

Here’s your role as a godly spouse: Start with what comes first - justice. Without your spouse recognizing what they deserve, they will never be able to receive what is better. So when your spouse does something that isn’t right, they need to experience the result of it.

For example, as I sit here, my puppy is biting my foot. That hurts, so I say “no biting” and I pull my foot away. She learns quickly that biting doesn’t get her what she wants (love and attention), and she starts to behave better.

My husband didn’t learn nearly as quickly. Why? Because I let him keep biting. Rather than telling him that it hurt and that hurting me results in me pulling away, I just kept tolerating it. So he thought it was OK. In fact, when I started wincing at the pain, he was so accustomed to me not expressing anything about it that even the wincing brought a demand for me to stop wincing - a demand for grace. A demand for me to just accept what he did without making him aware of the pain he was causing.

That’s why we need the law. Without the law, without a statement about is OK and what isn’t - and without a consequence (justice) for breaking it - everything becomes OK.

Want peace?

Peace comes through accepting and adapting to reality - the reality that the justice that we all deserve is equal to the natural consequences of our actions - even death. And then from a heart of desperate humility, crying out for mercy and knowing that we don’t deserve grace. It is then that God shows us his grace. And we receive it gratefully. This is what it means to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God (Micah 6: 8).

If this is not the heart with which your spouse receives your grace, then you aren’t being grace-full to him . . . you are enabling sin. And 1 Timothy 5: 22 says “do not share in the sins of others.” We are not to show favoritism, granting people things that they don’t deserve just because we are married to them, but we are to do what is beneficial to others - that includes pointing out their sin so that they become aware of it and have an opportunity to repent (Matthew 18: 15).

It is when we know justice that we can truly know the peace that comes from the grace and mercy of God.

If you want to know more about what is OK to expect in marriage, how to set boundaries, and where forgiveness comes in, follow the linked text to read my articles on those topics.

And when you start to align yourself with the natural laws that God created for your relationships, you discover that . . .

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Justice (And How It Brings Peace)