An Accurate View Of The Proverbs 31 Wife
The “wife of noble character” in Proverbs 31 is held up as the standard of biblical wifeliness, and many wives have a preconceived notion that she is obedient to her husband, always pleasant, a stay-at-home homemaker, and that she does whatever it takes to make her husband and family look good. But just a brief look at the Bible passage paints a completely different picture - one that sets women free from the need to strive to be perfect for her husband and family. Let’s take a look, verse by verse.
A wife of noble character who can find? (Consider what the characteristics of noble character are: truthfulness, justice, doing what is right, humility, strength, confidence, wisdom, courage, integrity, and ambition - not subservience, tolerance, enabling, overlooking wrongdoing, or pretending everything is good)
Her husband has full confidence in her (not full control over her… An emotionally mature husband will have confidence in a wife whom he can trust to be genuine, transparent, strong, and wise - he can’t be confident in someone who seems disingenuous, weak, or inconsistent because she is constantly walking on eggshells or trying to please)
She brings him good, not harm, (Consider what it is that can bring harm to a husband: letting him believe things about himself that aren’t true e.g. saying that he is a good person when he isn’t or that he is right when he is wrong or that he deserves an apology when he doesn’t. To bring good to someone is to be wise and honest with them and to not enable sin and self-centeredness.)
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. (She makes decisions herself - she isn’t asking her husband about the wool and flax or defaulting to him about everything - remember, he has full confidence in her)
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. (No mention of her staying home while her husband goes to get the food from afar - she goes herself)
She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. (Where’s her husband?? What’s he doing?? Sounds like she’s doing all the work - but we see later that he has his own ambitions that he is pursuing, and they both independently contribute to the functioning of the family)
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. (SHE discerns whether she should buy a field - AND she has her own money to buy it - remember, her husband has full confidence in her)
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. (Not a reference to being a housewife but, rather, we see her working the vineyard that she bought and planted)
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. (She pursues what works and is diligent about pursuing it)
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. (She has enough time, energy, and resources to think of others, too, which means she’s taking good care of herself emotionally and not running herself ragged)
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. (Presumably because of all the things above, which make no mention of her husband doing any of it - but that doesn’t mean she does everything and is OK with her husband doing nothing, as we’ll see later he does his part, too)
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. (She knows she is capable and her bed coverings and her clothes testify to that)
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. (He isn’t respected because she respects him and gets others to respect him - her husband is respected because she has a chosen a husband who is respectable - he is not one of whom people are skeptical or see as unfit to do business or friendship with - he works well with others and is considered to be one who others look up to.)
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. (She has her own business selling garments and gives the vendors marketing material - sashes - so they can show off her work)
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. (Strength and dignity - not subservience and pretending to be what others think she should be. She can laugh because she is confident in who she is and what she’s capable of, not because she’s dependent on her husband.)
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. (Wisdom and instruction are on her tongue - not “be quiet and listen to your husband” - not “just be agreeable” - she is wise to instruct in righteousness)
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. (Sounds like a leader)
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: (She has earned the trust and respect of her family by being who she is - and she chose a husband who appreciates her for who she is)
“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; (she doesn’t do things just to be charming, agreeable, attractive) but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (She knows she needs to be true to who God made her to be)
Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (She’s praised at the city gates because of what SHE has done, not because she is subservient to her husband)
The Proverbs 31 Wife isn’t a standard to live up to but, rather, the freedom to be who you are, knowing that, in being genuine and embracing your unique personality and talents, a man who values you and honors you will find you (after all, the passage is about a man finding a spouse, not creating one). The Proverbs 31 Wife will live the life described here because she loves the Lord and embraces the strength, dignity, wisdom, passions, and talents that he has given her. And because she embraces who she is, she attracts someone who appreciates who she is. The wise choices and good family life are the outcomes of her living in the fullness of what God has given her.
If you aren’t happy with how your marriage or family is going, consider whether you are really embracing who you were uniquely created to be or whether you are doing life the way others are telling you it should be done. Because trying to do what others say you “should” be doing will not lead to success in your marriage, your family, or life. Doing what others say you “should” do is to be striving to change your situation - your marriage, your spouse’s behavior, your kids, your relationship with God, etc. But as you just focus on abiding in Christ and living in the freedom of who you are, you will find that…. Hope is not found in our situation changing; it’s found in our situation…..
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