Maybe you’ve been told by well-meaning people (or by your spouse) that you should not be the one holding them accountable. They say that it isn’t Biblical and that they should have other godly men or women that hold them accountable.

But is it really true that, when your spouse sins against you, you should not call them on it and set limits on how you allow yourself to be treated? If you are not to hold your spouse accountable, who else would know whether they are

• loving you as Christ loves the church? (Eph 5:25)

• not being harsh with you? (Colossians 3:19)  

• being considerate of you and treating you with respect? (1 Peter 3: 7)  

• providing for you? (1 Timothy 5: 8)

When you hold your spouse accountable, you may get accused of keeping track of wrongs, of not taking the log out of her own eye, of criticizing or judging, and of being a hypocrite (and any number of other accusations), but these accusations are typical tactics of someone who does not want to be held accountable for their ungodly behavior. Proverbs 15: 12 says that

mockers resent correction, so they avoid the wise.

People who don’t like to be held accountable will do anything they can to get out of having to look at their own behavior.

You are God’s child. He does not want you to be treated poorly. He has set you free. He tells you to not let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Gal 5:1).

And He tells you that, as a Christian, you have a responsibility to point out other Christians’ sins (Matthew 18) - even your spouse’s - and turn your spouse from the error of their way (James 5:20). [Read my article “Is My Spouse a Christian?”]

If you are unsure of whether this is true, I get it. When I first started to realize that the way my spouse treated me and the children was getting worse because of what was being overlooked for the sake of "being a godly wife,” I had a lot of questions about whether the Bible really says I can hold him accountable and set boundaries. [Read “Who Said Boundaries Aren’t Biblical?”]

I had questions like:

• Am I dishonoring my husband to be feeling this way and thinking these things?

• Am I doing what 1 Corinthians 13 tells us not to do: keeping a list of wrongs?

• Am I speaking badly about my husband by speaking about his wrong behavior?

• I don’t want to be a rebellious wife – what can I do to not be accused of that?

• What about 1 Peter 4 (Sarah calling Abraham her master and obeying him) and other Scriptures that I cling to?

• What about Ephesians 5: 33 (the wife must respect her husband)?

I answer all of those questions and more in my article “Those Bible Verses About Wives (They Might Not Be What You Think)”

If you love your spouse, one of the most loving things you can do is to hold them accountable.

Need to know how?

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