You’ve heard that actions speak louder than words

And, because you want to let your spouse know how much you love them, you’re trying really hard to show respect with your actions. But your spouse doesn’t see it, do they? In fact, you can do a hundred things to show them you love and respect them, but the one time that you don’t do what they want or expect, that’s all they see.

That’s a sign that something is wrong.

While your actions speak forgiveness, patience, mercy (and enabling . . . *clear throat*), what do your spouse’s actions say?

• “You’re not measuring up.”

• “I don’t care about how you feel.”

• “Your agenda doesn’t matter.”

• “You do what I say.”

• “You’re just here to meet my needs.”

Often, in unhealthy relationships, one spouse is focusing so much on their own responsibility to be who they believe God (and their spouse) wants them to be, that they don’t realize that part of their responsibility in the relationship is to respect their spouse enough to tell them the truth about the effect they’re having on you, even when it’s not what they want to hear. That’s true love.

Marriage is a two-way street of responsibility, and your spouse has equal responsibility to make sure that their actions are speaking a message of love and respect to you. And how will they know whether they are doing that unless you let them know? And if letting them know with words isn’t enough . . . then let your actions speak louder than words.

Here is how you can show respect for the messages your spouse is sending with their actions

Ask yourself how you would respond if someone you weren’t close to said those things to you? Would you keep trying harder to please them? I know I would not have kept pursuing a relationship with anyone else who treated me like that. Except I DID hang on to that kind of relationship with my husband. Why? (Click the link to find out.) And . . .  is that what you’re doing?

When your spouse’s actions are saying that they don’t care about you, to respect that is to acknowledge that your spouse is free to choose, but they are not free from the consequences of their choice.

You don’t have to continue to pursue a relationship with someone whose actions are telling you that they don’t want one.

What if his words (sometimes) speak otherwise?

Actions speak louder than words. It may not be wise to believe your souse’s words unless their actions consistently agree. [Read my whole article that here] A tree is known by its fruit. You don’t get fruit from a thornbush – you get thorns, even if the tree is labeled “passion fruit.”

So, if you think you’re being respectful by continuing to offer forgiveness and closeness . . .  think again. Your spouse’s actions are telling you to go away and you’re continuing to cling to them.

Stop.

Respond to your spouse in a way that respects what their actions are telling you.

When their actions say:

• “You’re not measuring up.” Your actions say: “There’s a limit to how much I’ll do to keep trying.”

When their actions say:

• “I don’t care about how you feel.” Your actions say: “I care how I feel.”

When their actions say:

• “Your agenda doesn’t matter.” Your actions say: “It matters to me, and I will do the things that I want to do.”

When their actions say:

• “You do what I say.” Your actions say: “I have freedom to be me.”

When their actions say:

• “You’re just here to meet my needs.” Your actions say: “I will not allow myself to be treated like a slave.”

If you need more guidance on how to do this, schedule an appointment with me.

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