Is The Enemy Attacking Your Marriage?
What do you point to as the cause of the problems in your marriage? Some of you will say that you believe you’re the problem: your expectations are too high, you’re not giving enough grace, you’re having a hard time with respect, you aren’t submitting enough, or you feel like you’re failing to be the godly spouse you (or your spouse) thinks you should be.
Or perhaps you’re wondering if maybe it isn’t you, maybe your spouse is the problem: being married to him/her is like like having a child, they are narcissistic, they say they’re sorry but don’t really change, or they use any number of tactics to control the relationship or avoid accountability.
Some of you will point to issues of communication, mistrust, abuse, or infidelity.
And there are some who will be sure not to let Satan off the hook and will recall that you’ve been told that your spouse is not your enemy but that there is an enemy who seeks to destroy your marriage. So… is he??
Is the enemy attacking your marriage?
We know that the devil is a real spiritual being (Matthew 4, John 13:2) - an angel who became prideful (Ezekiel 28:12-17, Isaiah 14:12-15), desiring all the glory for himself, and leading a third of the angels (Rev.12:4) to follow him in his sin as he opposes God. Satan and his demons have the ability to wreak havoc in someone’s life, devouring them (1 Peter 5:8) by:
causing spiritual blindness (2 Corinthians 4:3,4)
making bad things seem good (masquerading as an angel of light - 2 Corinthians 11:4)
causing sickness and physical suffering ( Acts 5:16, 2 Corinthians 12:7)
bringing about loss (the book of Job)
deceiving (1 Timothy 4:1,2)
leading the world astray ( Rev. 12:9)
creating distractions (James 1: 13, Mark 4:15)
instigating emotional disruption (envy: James 4:5, anger: Ephesians 4:26,27, covetousness: James 4:2)
and spurring on persecution (1 Thess. 3:5, Rev. 2:9,10)
But how much power does Satan have over your marriage?
A reason for Satan’s attacks
There is a commonly-espoused idea that Satan will come after people harder if they are doing God’s will. This concept can bring some comfort and encouragement to those who find themselves struggling in any number of ways when they are doing what they believe God has called them to. Rather than question whether what they are doing is the right thing in light of the obstacles they are coming up against, they can feel reassured by the thought that they must be on the right path because they are coming up against the opposition of the enemy who is trying to thwart God’s plan.
But is this really what Scripture teaches? Well, definitely not always. In Deuteronomy 28 God says that blessings will come upon those who do his will, and ruin will come upon those who do not. “All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God: You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock. Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed. You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out. The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you…. However, if you do not obey the Lord your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, the Lord will send on you curses, confusion, and rebuke in everything you put your hand to.” And for those who like a New Testament passage as well, Romans 2:9 says “There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil; but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good.”
So there are times that doing God’s will brings blessing. But when are difficult circumstances attributable to the enemy? Does Satan come against us when we’re doing God’s will?
Enmity between Jesus and Satan
With a dive into Scripture we see that Satan does stir up trouble for those who are trying to live a godly life, but he comes especially against those who are doing things that share the Good News of Jesus.
Since the curse in the Garden of Eden there is “hostility between [Satan] and the woman [Eve], and between [Satan’s] seed and hers.” Satan opposes the Good News of Jesus that reverses the curse and brings back the perfection of the Garden of Eden and people’s commitment to and intimacy with God:
of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am (2 Tim. 1:11,12)
do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God (2 Tim. 1:8)
you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering (2 Thess. 1:5)
You suffered from your own people the same things those churches suffered from the Jews who killed the Lord Jesus and the prophets and also drove us out. They displease God and are hostile to everyone in their effort to keep us from speaking to the Gentiles so that they may be saved (1 Thess 2: 14-16)
Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal (2 Tim. 2:8)
everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted (2 Tim. 3:12)
Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering (Hebrews 10:32,33)
it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil (1 Pet 3:17)
rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed (1 Peter 4:13,14)
Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings (1 Peter 5:8,9)
Satan knows Jesus and His Spirit - he and his demons know who has the power to crush them. But they also know who doesn’t have that power - so much so that demons aren’t afraid of those who try to drive them out in Jesus’ name without the Spirit of Jesus acting through those attempting to drive them out: “Some Jews who went around driving out evil spirits tried to invoke the name of the Lord Jesus over those who were demon-possessed. They would say, ‘In the name of the Jesus whom Paul preaches, I command you to come out.’ Seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, were doing this. One day the evil spirit answered them, ‘Jesus I know, and Paul I know about, but who are you?’ Then the man who had the evil spirit jumped on them and overpowered them all. He gave them such a beating that they ran out of the house naked and bleeding” (Acts 19:13-16).
This is why it’s so important to be sure that you are born again and have the Spirit of God living in you and that you are not just “cleaned up.” “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first” (Luke 11:24-26).
In other words, it’s only Jesus (and those who have His Spirit and His message of salvation) who pose a threat to Satan . But that doesn’t mean that it’s only those who have Jesus whom Satan comes against.
Giving the enemy a foothold
Most of the time it seems that Satan is an equal opportunity destroyer. He goes after unbelievers and believers alike, seeking to kill, steal, and destroy. Surely you know that unbelievers suffer greatly, too. Here are the things to watch out for so that you do not fall into the trap of the devil or give him a foothold:
Conceit (1 Tim. 3:7)
Failing to have a good reputation with outsiders (1 Tim. 3:7)
Pride (1 Peter 5:8)
Wanting to get rich (1 Tim. 6:9)
Unrepentance (2 Tim. 2: 25)
Opposition to the truth (2 Tim. 2:25)
Allowing anger to go unresolved (Eph. 4:27)
If you or your spouse are experiencing any of these, you are opening yourself up to falling prey to the enemy, which will lead to problems in your marriage. But rather than fight the enemy when these problems surface, it would be wise to address the problem that caused you to fall.
What to do about Satan
Here is what Scripture says to do regarding the enemy:
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:11-13)
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7)
“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith” (1 Peter 5:8)
In other words, when bad things happen, you should move closer to God, submitting to him and trusting that he knows what he’s doing. In doing so, you are resisting the lies of the enemy and standing firm in the faith. We do not need to go to battle with the enemy because we already have victory over Satan. We don’t need to spend our time focusing on how to fight a battle that has already been won. All we need to do is cling to the Victor. “The Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one” (1 Thess. 3:3). “The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack” (2 Tim. 4:18). The enemy has no power over the children of God (Hebrews 2:14), because “the One who was born of God keeps them safe, and the evil one cannot harm them” (1 John 5:18).
What you don’t need to do to take your stand
Not only should you know how to take your stand against the enemy, it’s also important to know what you do not need to do when you think the enemy is attacking:
You do not need to pray to “bind” Satan (Jesus binds him at the end of the age, so he’s not going to be bound now). You also do not need to blame Satan for attacking you (there’s no value in assigning blame) nor should you give Satan the credit for hurting you (he’s not worth the accolades), or beg God with long prayers to drive demons away. None of that is necessary, and it puts your focus on Satan instead of on God (which, coincidentally, is a tactic of Satan to get you distracted from God and his sovereignty).
You should not think that Satan can possess believers, so there is no need to “rebuke” Satan in believers. If you see demonic attack on a non-believer, know that the “rebuke” that Jesus and his followers demonstrated consists of simply proclaiming that the demons need to leave the person - they were not lengthy prayers or exorcisms. Matthew 6:7 says “when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.” Instead, Matthew 8:16 says that “many who were demon-possessed were brought to him, and he drove out the spirits with a word.”
You should not try to start conversations with demons - Jesus did not start conversations with demons nor did his disciples do so. When they spoke to demons it was to command them out.
You should not think that every temptation is brought on by the enemy. James 1:14 says that “each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.” If you attribute temptation to the enemy, it can result in feeling powerless over it or in feeling the need to fight the enemy when, in fact, it may simply be that you need to exhibit some self control. It is important to keep blame where blame belongs.
Even if the enemy is attacking your marriage, do not fret, because he is not doing it without God’s permission. Remember when Satan wanted to attack Job? He had to get God’s permission to do it. And God let it happen, but God ended up using it for Job’s good. Not only did Job learn more about the character of God, he had to persevere (even in the face of his friends and his wife pressuring him) and discover that God was not against him. He also served as a faithful witness to his friends and his wife. And, of course, he continues to serve as a faithful witness to us today. That would be enough “good” to get out of what he went through, but God also “blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part,” demonstrating that Satan cannot permanently take away what God has given us. God has sealed us with his Holy Spirit and promised us eternity, and there is no part of that that the enemy can steal from us.
Other reasons for problems in your marriage
An attack of the enemy is not the only possible reason for problems in your marriage, though. And since believers needn’t feel intimated by the enemy or give him too much credit for the problems you are experiencing, it would be wise to consider the other reasons that you could be going through a hard time or experiencing suffering. This article reveals 16 reasons for suffering. Check it out and see if any of them bring you clarity about how to process what you’re going through.
Summing it up
Be careful that you don’t give credit to the enemy for the trouble in your marriage or spend time blaming him or trying to rebuke him. Satan opposes the Good News of Jesus and gains footholds and sets traps by tapping into the areas of our lives that are not submitted fully to God. So rather than accusing Satan for the trouble in your marriage, just grow closer to God and cling to him. And when the reasons for what we’re going through are put in the proper perspective, we begin to see that….
Hope is not found in our situation changing; it’s found in our situation….
Wondering what to attribute the problems in your marriage to? Schedule a Breakthrough Session.
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