The question that comes up the most around the topic of divorce is “What are the Biblical grounds for divorce?” People who ask this question deeply desire to do God’s will and do not want to do something that God tells them not to do.

In answer to that question, some people will say that adultery is the only Biblical basis for divorce. Others will also add abandonment and/or abuse. So let’s consider what God says about divorce and sin.

Is Divorce A Sin?

First, it’s important to recognize that God doesn’t speak about divorce as sin. There are a lot of sins named in the Bible, but divorce is never one of them (see graphic below). And the common statement “God hates divorce” (which is used to imply that divorce is a sin) is not even in the Bible.

Warning Against A Legalistic View Of Divorce

In regard to divorce and the commands of God, Jesus confronts the legalistic interpretation of the things that God says, so we should be careful that, “beginning by means of the Spirit,” we do not try to “continue by means of the flesh” (Galatians 3:3) by turning what is meant to be a “spirit of the law” explanation by Jesus into a “letter of the law” interpretation.

When we look at the broader context of what Jesus is teaching in Matthew chapters 5 and 6 (where we see the first NT reference to divorce), we see that he starts by saying that he has come to fulfill the law, because our own righteousness will not be enough for us to enter the kingdom of God. And the commands of God will never pass away, so we must either practice them perfectly (which no one can do), or we must trust that Jesus has fulfilled them for us. Jesus wants us to approach these topics with a heart for God, not with a striving to legalistically follow the requirements of the law in an effort to feel that we’ve earned our salvation.

He then goes on to demonstrate his point, not by encouraging a legalistic view of the topics he subsequently addresses in the passages that follow (murder, adultery, divorce, oaths, an eye for an eye, love for enemies, giving to the needy, prayer, fasting, treasures in heaven, worry, and judgement), but by revealing how they are matters of the heart, and we must approach them as such.

With that in mind, let’s look at the first “reason” many give as grounds for divorce.

Adultery As Grounds For Divorce

When reading Matthew 19 (the most comprehensive passage on divorce), pay attention to the heart and purpose of this passage as it is made clear in the introductory and concluding verses of this passage (verses 3 and 10, where verse 3 says “the Pharisees came to test him saying, ‘is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?’ and in verse 10 the Pharisees say “if we can’t divorce them for any and every reason, it’s better not to marry!”).  The Pharisees came to justify themselves in their “dismissing” of their wives for any and every reason, and Jesus reiterates the heart of Malachi 2:16: that “The man who hates and divorces his wife does violence to the one he should protect.” In other words: it is violence to divorce/dismiss/be hateful toward a spouse.

So when the Pharisees ask Jesus if it’s OK to divorce a spouse for any and every reason, Jesus doesn’t start talking about the reasons that divorce is allowed (contrary to popular opinion on that passage of Scripture). What he basically says is “there is no reason for divorce - a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and no one can change that, because that ‘uniting’ is what happens, whether you like it or not.”

Then the Pharisees try to justify their viewpoint (that divorce can be for any and every reason), so Jesus explains further: “anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). In saying this, Jesus isn’t talking about adultery being a reason for divorce; instead, he’s explaining that adultery is divorce in the true sense of the word - a dismissing of your spouse (not a legal transaction - this is explained in the next section).

And adultery is also a consequence of divorcing/dismissing a spouse. If someone divorces/dismisses their spouse and marries another, they are committing adultery (unless their spouse was sexually immoral, then the immoral spouse dissolved the marriage by their act of sexual immorality).

Stated concisely, Jesus is not making a point about when divorce is allowed (sexual immorality) - he’s making a point that divorce for any reason leads to the sin of adultery - adultery is the result of divorce if someone remarries unless there has been sexual immorality (which is an act of divorce against a spouse). He’s clarifying to people that the sin isn’t divorce, the sin is adultery, and he is explaining that to them because he doesn’t want them to sin - not because he’s legalistic and wants to make sure they do what God says, but because he cares about them and doesn’t want them to be hurt by their own sin.

[Get my list of 40+ tactics that demonstrate this “dismissing” that we’re talking about]

Defining Divorce

Now the word “divorce” here can be a bit confusing for us in our western, Gentile culture. It seems straightforward because, to us, “divorce” means you go to court and then you’re not married anymore. But that isn’t what this word means here. The context of the word is more of a dismissing or shunning (and not a legal transaction). If we replaced the word “divorce” with a word that better describes the sense of the word, the passage would more accurately read “anyone who shuns his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Jesus is saying that anyone who dismisses or shuns his wife and marries another is committing adultery unless he was first released from the marriage (divorced/dismissed) by the spouse’s sin of adultery. Again, Jesus isn’t giving a reason that divorce is allowed, he’s revealing that a divorce/dismissal has already happened when a spouse is sexually immoral. And if someone divorces/dismisses their spouse for any other reason, that also leads to sexual immorality.

The emphasis on divorce leading to the sin of adultery is reiterated again in 1 Corinthians 7 when there is a concern about sexual immorality, and the Corinthians suggest that perhaps there should be NO sexual relations (even with your spouse): “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” (1 Corinthians 7:1). Paul answers by saying that you don’t have to stop having sex, you just have to make sure that, because there is so much immorality, when you have sex it’s with your own spouse: “since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2).

Then Paul reiterates what Jesus said (don’t commit adultery) by saying that, if a wife separates from her husband, she must remain unmarried (so as not to commit adultery, because a wife had no right to legally divorce her husband and would still be legally married if she separated from him). And, again, Paul reiterates what Jesus says: that a husband should not divorce his wife. The Greek word for “divorce” in the 1 Corinthians passage is actually a different Greek word than what is used in the gospel passages about divorce. (Learn more about that here.) We know from Malachi 2 that, for a husband to “forsake, give up, or neglect” his wife in that way (the meaning of the Greek word there) is an act of hatred toward her and “does violence to the one he should protect.”

Notably, the seriousness of the sin of sexual immorality/adultery is introductory to Paul’s discussion about marriage as he talks about, in the preceding passage, how the act of uniting with someone in body is the same as the act of marriage (the two will become one flesh) even if that “someone” is a prostitute, thus making adultery very serious as opposed to the inconsequential “right to do anything” that the Corinthians suggested they had.

But then there’s more. Going back to Matthew 19, the Pharisees bring up an exception that voids the sin of adultery in remarriage, even in cases where there hasn’t been sexual immorality within the marriage: The permission to give a certificate of divorce. They ask Jesus, “Why, then, did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.” He makes it clear that marriage is meant to be the uniting of two people whose hearts are soft toward each other. But if a spouse’s heart is hard, a certificate of divorce (the legal transaction of divorce) must be given (Moses commanded it) to release someone from the marriage. This “certificate” (a legal divorce) is given to avoid the sin of adultery if the spouse were to remarry, because it indicates that one of the spouses has, because of a hardened heart, broken the marriage vow. [To learn more about the difference between “divorce” and a “certificate of divorce” read my article that discusses what the Bible says about divorce]

That legal declaration of divorce (a “certificate of divorce”) is permitted (and was in fact commanded by Moses) any time a spouse has hardened their heart against the other. The hardened heart (and the sin and division that accompanies it) is a reason in and of itself to pursue a legal certificate of divorce. But the divorce itself (the division created by the offending party’s sin) has already happened.

So Jesus is not talking about divorce in the way that we talk about it. It is not the legal pursuit of the declaration of divorce that is being debated, it is the act of dismissing/shunning/being hateful toward a spouse that is being debated. It is these acts of violence against a spouse that are being discussed so that the Pharisees can see that it is not OK to just dismiss/divorce someone that they’ve promised to love, honor, cherish, and protect. However, if they do sin against their spouse in that way, they are told that they should grant their spouse a legal certificate of divorce to legally free them from the marriage.

This brings a shift in perspective, too, as to who “should” be the one to pursue the legal certificate of divorce. What it reveals is that the offended party, the spouse who has been sinned against, is the one who rightly should pursue the certificate of divorce. This is contrary to what is commonly advised in Christian circles, where the spouse who is being sinned against is told not to be the one who files for divorce. But why would the spouse who is not being sinned against pursue a certificate of divorce? That spouse is happy in their sin. It’s the spouse who is being sinned against who should rightly pursue it. The innocent spouse is not the one pursuing the dismissal/divorce - the offending spouse has already created the divorce - the innocent spouse is just seeking to legally declare it so.

Abandonment As Grounds For Divorce

Let’s look at the other reason given by some as a justification for divorce: abandonment. When “abandonment” is given as a Biblical basis for divorce, it comes from 1 Corinthians 7:15 where it says “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances.”

Again, we must look at the Greek. The word “leaves” in the Greek means “to divide” and comes from the root word meaning “to be independent from” or “apart from.” Whereas we Gentiles interpret the word “leaves” to mean “go away from, desert, or physically abandon,” the context of it is not a physical abandonment or desertion but an independence from or a working apart from the other. It’s an abandonment of the “togetherness” of marriage and a lack of regard for how one’s behavior impacts the other spouse. It’s a breaking of the vow to love and honor and cherish.

There is nothing in the passage condemning the legal act of divorce. The heart of the passage is that couples should do right by each other, including letting someone create division if they so choose.

This passage also gives rise to the question “Is my spouse really a Christian?” - which is a fair question, since a person’s salvation should not be simply with words but with actions. As Titus 1:16 says “They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him” and “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 7:21). This shows us that actions do reveal whether someone is really a disciple of Christ. Jesus said “they will know you are my disciples by your love.” So just because your spouse may claim to be a believer, that doesn’t mean (s)he is. And if you find that your spouse is actually not abiding in Jesus, then this topic of letting an unbelieving spouse leave becomes easier to navigate.

The Biblical Reasons For Divorce

In summary:

1. There is no such thing as “biblical reasons” for divorce, because divorce is not something that you need permission to do - it’s something that happens to the innocent spouse. The very meaning of the word divorce is not a legal action but rather an action of the heart in dismissing one’s spouse and their thoughts/feelings/opinions, not caring about what’s important to one’s spouse, and not living in fulfillment of one’s vows to love, honor, and cherish.

2. The reason a person would pursue a legal “certificate of divorce” is to legally and publicly declare the divorce/dismissal done by the sinning spouse.

3. The act of divorce is not something that the “innocent” spouse pursues. Rather, it is what the sinning spouse does when they engage in behavior that creates division in the bond of marriage: sexual immorality, a hardened heart, or breaking apart from the togetherness of the union. That’s divorce.

4. The “innocent” spouse is not the one who is divorcing - the “innocent” spouse is the one who pursues the “certificate of divorce” to legally declare that their spouse has divorced/discarded/dismissed them.

5. Pursuing a legal “certificate of divorce” is not a sin - but the behavior of the spouse who divorces, creating division in the marital union, is the sin - and it’s what Jesus warned against. It’s why God says in Malachi 2:16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife does violence to the one he should protect.” The perpetrator is the sinner, not the one who pursues the legal certificate of divorce.

So if you are hoping that your spouse will change and stop dismissing you so that your marriage doesn’t end, know and understand that your spouse has already divorced you by their actions, and….

Hope is not found in our situation changing; it’s found in our situation….

Are you wanting to do God’s will but are uncertain about what that is? Schedule a Breakthrough Session and talk through it.

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